Domestic violence is
the consequence of a sick mind. It’s not a mistake, it’s crime. But what
happens on the other side of the door? What choices does a domestic
violence victim really have in India, if any?
We
all know a domestic violence victim. In an ideal world, they would
speak up and report the heinous act at the very first instance. The
perpetrator would be penalized under the law and it would all end right
there.
However, in the real world, where conditioning and society exist, it’s not the obvious choice to make. And how could it be?
Women,
since childhood, are conditioned to endurance. Practicing endurance in
their relationships and putting up superficial personas in the society
are two of women’s primary lessons that are taught sometimes
consciously, and a lot of times, unconsciously. So it starts right then.
Now
don’t get me wrong, I’m not upholding the whole victim-blaming
scenario. Far from that, actually. I’m trying to understand how the
victim, against all odds, can get out of it. Because it’s imperative
they do.
One silent woman means 10 more women abused in silence.
“The ultimate tragedy is not the oppression and cruelty by the bad people but the silence over that by the good people.”
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
How can you empower the victim to speak up and is it always the right thing to do?
Despite
Section 304B of the Indian Penal Code criminalizing any form of
violence with respect to dowry demands by a husband or in-laws and the
Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act, 2005 providing immediate
relief to aggrieved women, a survey reveals that in states such as
Andhra Pradesh and Gujarat, over 70% women who experienced violence
didn’t speak up about the incident. Even so, the number of complaints
received by the National Commission of Women (NCW) against domestic
violence in 2021 is the highest in the last 12 years. So many unspoken
incidents and yet the reported ones only keep shooting up.
Despite
India’s remarkable progression in many fields, we continue to remain
conservative when it comes to gender-related issues.
The
first step is to help a victim realize that they have a choice. More
often than not, a person stuck in their own situation fails to see a way
out of it. Inability to see that they are choosing to suffer in silence
often results in helplessness. Helping a domestic violence victim realize that they have a choice and support them to make the seemingly
harder choice can go a long way.
Financial
dependence of women on men in the traditional home setting continues to
be a major reason why women are afraid to report the crime. Their own,
and often, their children’s futures are at stake if their husbands get
exposed. This is why work has to be done on the ground level. Educating
women and making financial independence for girls a non-negotiable goal
is important at the early stages. Work for women should no more be a
“choice” than it is for men (definitely not a gender-based one).
The
consequences of domestic violence are more far-fetched than our minds
may conceive. They span physical health, a woman’s self-respect and
extend over the children who grow up witnessing the crime, and
unintentionally, normalising it in their minds. This has to stop
somewhere.
So,
when we meet in the real world, how open will we be to talk about our
struggles? Especially the ones inflicted on us by our dearest. Can we normalize talking about domestic abuse? About our vulnerabilities? Can
that help save crimes? Save lives?
PS:
Kudos to Majlis Manch, Sapna, Apnalaya, Action Aid and others for doing
some remarkable work with domestic violence victims.
February 28, 2022
